I Can’t Remember

Debating whether staying at home or working is missing the point entirely, because it assumes that every parent does in fact have a choice. Despite the fact that the decision on whether or not a parent stays at home with a child or works usually has to be based upon financial or outside influences, the decision is defended as “what is best for the child.” Both mothers who work and mothers who stay at home are often forced to do so because of financial or other constraints, yet both will defend their situation as one of their own choosing.

Most of us do not want to admit that we do not have much control over our lives, especially when it comes to parenting decisions. Read the rest of this entry »

So one of my neighbors has…er make that HAD three beautiful large (30-40 ft tall) trees in her front yard.
She’s a gardener–you know, the type with all the cool plants and roses and absolutely no thought to landscaping (why gardeners’ yards look the worst is a subject for another post…)
Anyway–back to my RANT:
Apparently, she thought she needed more sun for her eclectic assortment of flowering shrubs, and had ALL HER TREES CHOPPED DOWN!!!!!!
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Minimalist design in architecture follows the “less is more” philosophy. We do not have to appreciate or even apply minimalist design to our homes to follow the minimalist philosophy. Minimalism in our lives is often called “Simple Living.” The Simple Living movement is either a rejection of consumerism or an expression of spiritual values by “simplifying” or only having what you truly need. This movement has been growing through the end of the 90s and has now spawned a host of books and, ironically, “must-have” products.

The proliferation of “minimalist products” is a symptom of our insecurity. We use our belongings as a crutch. They provide us security: from doing things incorrectly, from “running out.” They also function as insulation, theoretically protecting us from the elements and financial instability, but in reality keeping us from each other and our own peace of mind.

Rather than collecting stuff as we go through life, we should be collecting memories. If you are keeping something for sentimental value, display it. Keep it out where you can see it and others can ask you about it. If you do not have any emotional attachment to it, and you do not use it frequently, do not keep it.
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Remember in the good old days in small town America when everyone had a personal relationship with their local businessperson? People knew with whom they were doing business: they had gone to school with their insurance agent, were friends with their grocer, bought used cars from their aunt’s ex-boyfriend.

The people you meet
You do not have to imagine an idyllic small town setting to have good personal relationships with the businesses in the area. First of all, start by doing business with small local businesses. They are more likely to remember you. Then, be a loyal customer. If you are satisfied with their service and product, “shopping around” only makes your life more complicated. Plus, the more you see the same people, the more your relationship with them grows. Be polite and friendly when you deal with people at your local business. People are polite and friendly to those at work and at their place of worship, in part because they expect to see them again, and want to foster a good relationship with those they see often. Business is all about relationships; so foster a good one with your local businesspeople.

Where everybody knows your name
Imagine what would happen if you had a good relationship with people at the places you shopped or ate. You would feel welcome and relaxed. You would probably get better service. And, most importantly, by cultivating ties to the community, you would create a sense of belonging and of putting down roots. Here in America, we have become un-moored: we are no longer connected to our neighborhood. People complain that they are “too busy” to get to know their neighbors and to go out and do things in their community. If running errands is not doing something in your community, what is? Stop and connect with your neighbors at local businesses: both the businesspeople themselves and also the other patrons. It will benefit your peace of mind. You will not be spending the majority of your day amongst faceless strangers, but with people you know.
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I will be moving soon. Into a smaller house. You should see the expressions some people get on their face when I say this out loud. Some think I am crazy, others assume that they have misheard me and re-edit my statement in their own mind so that it conforms to their own world-view. These same people will no doubt lecture me about the trend towards smaller homes when it finally becomes commonplace in a couple of years.

Small is the new big. From predictions that Baby Boomers won’t be able to keep up with the upkeep on their McMansions as they age to rumors that Tiger Woods is tearing down his Jupiter Island castle and rebuilding smaller, average home square footage may be actually decreasing soon. Oprah Winfry has declared that “this is the year to declutter your life,” and with all those empty closets, people may soon realize that they do not need all those closets after all.

Small is trendy. There are so many new books out there about small homes, a reader barely knows where to start. Try Sarah Susanka’s The Not So Big House: A Blueprint for the Way We Really Live (2001), which is a great introduction to the topic. Pick up other books that appeal to your senses: many are visual feasts, chock full of pictures illustrating drool-worthy downsized homes, decadent in their simplicity. There’s even an organization for fans of the small home: the Small House Society, whose stated mission is “to support the research, development, and use of smaller living spaces that foster sustainable living for individuals, families, and communities worldwide.”

Why is everyone ditching their large homes for small ones? It almost seems counter-intuitive. If you’ll excuse the cliché, being big didn’t save the dinosaur. And speaking of dinosaurs, fossil fuels may be the greatest reason that the demand for smaller homes may have increased so much recently. Smaller homes cost less energy to run. But not just electrical energy: since they are so much easier to clean, people spend less time and energy cleaning their homes, and more time enjoying them. According to Fine Homebuilding’s website: “What goes up must come down, and even as the average size of American homes continues to soar, there’s interest in smartly designed and built homes that do more with less. Be it rising costs, energy-consumption restrictions, environmental laws, or matters of taste, homeowners are rethinking their space needs.”

Arrol Gellner, writing in the L A Times, compares today’s large homes with those of the Victorian era, and concludes that the modern mansions will soon be traded in for modern bungalows, as history tends to repeat itself. But what will become of our “White Elephants”? Sean Groom and Charles Miller, writing in Fine Homebuilding, describe the McMansion as the tear-down of tomorrow. (Sean Groom and Charles Miller, Fine Homebuilding #179, “The 25 Most Important Houses in America,” pp. 58-68.) Whatever happens, don’t wait for your neighbors to move out and leave their towering mansions behind: be a trend-setter and enjoy everything that a new house has to offer today.

The only problem right now is finding a well-built home with all the extras in a smaller house. “Luxury” and “small” don’t seem to go together in builder’s vocabularies just yet. But just wait and see.

(Also see Simplify Your Home.)

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